Here is a list of reasons people should never consider having 4 kids:
1. Eleanor Marie (aka Badness McClanahan). She is a true terror to the core. There is no saving yourself from the tyrant that she is. You may think your 4th child will be different, but they won't be. They just all look different because they have different Baby Momma & Daddy's (yes, I know the possessive form should not be used here, but shut up. It looks better)
2. A flooded bathroom. Yes, I couldn't find her in the house for a whole 5 minutes after throwing her out of my room. Her first stop, flooding the upstairs bathroom. How do I know it was her? She shoved the clothes she was wearing when she left my room in the toilet & sink, that's how.
3. Strawberry Milk syrup all over the bedroom floor. Why? Who the hell knows? I'm not sure what source of inspiration she drew when she saw the lonely container in the fridge just waiting to be mixed with some white milk, but somehow she could not have it.
4. Markers, markers, EVERYWHERE. No, I'm not exaggerrating. I have photo evidence this time. She has colored the floors, the walls, some toys, the bedding, parts of carpet and herself...all today.
5. Toothpaste. Who knew there were so many uses for toothpaste that we should even coat the walls with it? Lord knows there is no way we are actually going to brush our teeth with it. It's much better rubbed on the walls, the tub, piled in the sink, smashed into some clothing, filled in the crevice of a toy and fed to the dog.
6. Hot Fudge Topping for ice cream. Just in case we ran out of strawberry syrup. Best to keep this open & upside down in the laundry basket just for safe keeping.
7. Nail polish. Certainly some people choose to wear it on fingernails (pansies, every last one of them), but not Eleanor. Nail polish is much better used to decorate furniture, the floor, the stairwell banister, her face, her clothing, ooo....and that something shiny over there.
8. Scissors. Did I forget to mention that she cut some of her hair again? That's because she prefers to blame her dance teacher for doing it instead. She SWEARS Ms. Debbie did it because under no possible circumstances would Eleanor do such a thing. Did I also forget to mention that she cut her dress last night? No particular reason given, just a smile and a pose. It's a nice, big slice in the middle of the dress that can't be repaired (as if I'd ever find the time with the said too many children).
9. Cereal. Do people actually eat this stuff? I thought it was only used to coat the surface of every object in the house. It makes a lovely addition to any piece of carpeting that can be found. It's also nice to fill in the pockets of laundry before it gets washed. Smashed bits of cereal are a delightful accent to the stainless steal interior of the washer drum. It only takes like 10 minutes per piece to scrap it off once it dries. Sort of a special something nice to do during the cold & flu season.
10. Miniature doll accessories. So much better to step on than to try to walk on that nasty, clean floor. It should never be played with in conjunction with the doll whose box it was included. Absolutely not. You take these items and line them up wherever Mom may walk, preferably barefoot.
There really are so many other items to list, but I can't face it right now. Especially since my 6 year old, the informer who is overly concerned that everything be just and right within the household because "she didn't do it", is currently screaming my name from the front of the house. Thankfully, Ellie Monster is sound asleep because he work here is done for the afternoon.
2 comments:
I hate to break it to you but she has all the classic signs of an artist. I do have to admit that your little monster is a bit more severe than I was I think. But, oh, the stories you will be able to share! Friends, boyfriends, neighbors, the list could go on until proper payback is achieved. hahaha
Typos have been corrected. I didn't review my post before I actually posted it. Yikes! THere were even more than usual.
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